The Luke Brooks Diaries
by janoskiananswers
Summary: **Inspired by "The Basketball Diaries."** Luke Brooks loved everything about being in the Janoskians, that is, except for the haters. And when all the negativity gets to be too much for him, one night, Luke decides to let loose with some of his friends in an effort to relax. Little did he know, one innocent night of teenage fun would only be the beginning of his long, dark journey
1. Prolouge

Prolouge:

Luke's POV:

I carefully balanced the contents of my spoon with one hand while I grabbed the needle with the other.

I dipped the tip of the syringe into the solution I had just brewed up and pulled back on the plunger making sure to get every last drop. Heroin was expensive shit and I wasn't about to waste even a bit of it.

I put the spoon down and flicked the syringe a few times to get rid of any air bubbles before finding a vein and carefully sliding the needle through my skin. I pushed down on the plunger letting the toxic mix invade my blood stream. It was only matter of time now before the high that I longed for would begin to consume me so that I could get rid of all these pesky feelings.

It was moments like this, right after I shot up some heroin or snorted a line or whatever it was I was doing at that moment, that the guilt would really hit me.

I had never meant to turn into this. I had never meant for any of this to go so far. And of course I felt bad – for my mom and my brothers and even my friends – I knew it hurt them to have to look at me like this, at what I was becoming or, even, what I already was – a drug addict. I hated to think those words and I couldn't quite bring myself to say them, but I knew deep down that I was, without a doubt, a drug addict. I guess figured that if I admitted it out loud, it would be official – a label people could tag me with. I didn't want to be like this, but I was. The feeling of being high, the short-lived escape from life, was just too good to let go and, to be honest, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to change, even if I could.


	2. Chapter 1: Bad Day

CHAPTER 1:

Luke's POV:

"This is such bullshit," I thought to myself as I walked through the front door, slamming it behind me.

"Luke?" I heard my mom call from the kitchen.

Shit, I hadn't realized she was home. "Hi Mom," I replied, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible.

"How are you, love?" She called back.

"I'm good, just tired. I think I'm gonna go lay down for a bit before me and the boys go out," I replied as I walked to my room.

"Okay. Don't forget to grab a bite before you leave," she said as I closed my bedroom door.

I grabbed my guitar from the corner of my room and sat down on Jai's bed. He always got pissed when I sat on his bed, but I told him that that was the price he had to pay if he was going to have the bottom bunk and that if he didn't like it I would gladly switch with him. That was usually just about enough to shut him up.

I started strumming on the guitar, not really playing anything in particular, but just sort of letting my fingers pluck whatever strings they pleased. I always liked to play guitar when I was upset, it helped to clear my mind and quite frankly, I wanted to wipe any memory of the day I had just had out of my head.

I'm mean, I was used to the hate. I got hate all the time on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, even when I was just walking down the streets, it just came with the territory of people knowing your name, I guess, and I was usually pretty good about letting it roll off my back. But then, every once in a while, there were those days where I just couldn't take it anymore and I hit my breaking point. Today had been one of those days.

I was just trying to get some alone time, so I decided to catch a bus to downtown Melbourne to hang out for the day. I figured I would walk around and maybe do a little shopping, ya know, just clear my head. But my trip to the city had done anything but. All days I was being barked at with insults: faggot, cunt, bitch, fake, pussy, the whole lot; I even had my tray full of food knocked out of my hand by some prick at McDonalds. I finally gave up on Melbourne and came home early, fuming after all the events of the day.

I didn't want to tell my mom about what was going on, though. It hurt her so badly. She always took especial offense when me, my brothers or any of the boys really, were ragged on. She always said anything that they did to us, hurt her 10 times more because she was supposed to be there to protect us. So, eventually, I just stopped telling her about the haters. I didn't like to see her upset and I knew that these feeling would pass in time. Plus I had tonight to look forward to. The boys and I were going to spend a night out in the city and knowing my friends it was bound to be a good time.


	3. Chapter 2: Marijuana

CHAPTER 2:

Luke's POV:

I was in the seat next to James, who was driving, looking out the passenger side window as we finally drove into Melbourne. It was a little past 9:30pm and after the awful day I had had I was itching to go out and let lose.

I turned around to face the back seat where Beau, Jai, Daniel, Jacob, and Aaron were packed in. They were all on their phones, paying absolutely no attention to what was going on around them so I turned back to the front, not wanting to disturb the peace. James was just pulling the car into a parking structure and grabbing an entrance ticket as I turned around. We had just found a parking spot on the 3rd floor when the all too familiar smell of weed began to fill the car.

"Jacob!" James shouted turning around to face the back, "I told you no more hot boxing my car! It took me weeks to get the smell out last time!"

"Chill dude," Jacob replied, un-phased by James' seriousness, "I got you need is a little Ozium and to keep your windows down over night. I'll take care of it," Jacob added, taking and drag from the joint he was holding.

James rolled his eyes and opened the door to get out of the car. He clearly wasn't in the mood to put up a fight. Jai and Beau followed suit and opened to wait outside of the car with James. James and my brothers and I all despised drugs including weed, although, tonight, the smell of the joint didn't seem as appalling as it usually did. In fact, it actually looked kind of fun.

Beau, clearly noticing that I hadn't moved to get out of the car yet, turned around before shutting his door. "You coming, Luke?" I turned around to look at him leaning half through the backseat door. "Umm, actually I think I might try a little." I could see a mix of surprise and disapproval on my brother's face as he shut the door and went to join James and Jai outside of the car. I knew they were probably already talking shit about me for this. I knew how they were, I mean I was usually part of their little posse that stood outside the car, scoffing at how stupid everyone who had decided to smoke was. But at this moment, I really didn't care. I was feeling adventurous and I wanted to act before I could talk myself out of it.

"Aye, Luke. Finally decided to come over to the dark side, huh?" Skip laughed as he handed me the joint. "Take a big hit, just like shisha, but try to hold it in your lung for a while before breathing it out," Skip instructed.

I took the joint between my fingers, bringing it up to my lips and inhaling as much of the smoke as I possibly could into my lungs. "Shit this burned," I thought to myself as I held in the smoke for as long as I could before I started coughing and all the smoke left my chest.

"Take another hit," Skip laughed clearly entertained by my lack of experience.

I brought the joint back up to my lips and took another long drag, determined this time to hold the smoke in longer than I had before. I ignored the burning sensation in my throat and the tears that started to fill my eyes as I held the smoke in, willed myself not to cough. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I let out the smoke in a hacking fit. I never realized how bad smoking weed hurt.

I handed the joint back over to Jacob, Aaron and Skip who took turns taking hits from the joint until there was barely anything left.

"You want the last hit," Jacob finally said handing the shrunken joint in my direction. I didn't know how much more my throat could take, but if I was doing this I wanted to make sure I felt the effects. I took the joint from him and took another long hit willing myself to hold it in longer than had before. I finally handed the joint back to Skip who put out the spark as the coughing took over me again.

"Damn, Luke," Skip said looking at me, "you look high as fuck. Better put your sunglasses on because if the bouncer sees how bloodshot your eyes are they're definitely not letting you into the club." I obliged and slipped my sunglass on, even though it was completely dark out. Aaron, Skip and I got out of the car and joined Beau, Jai and James who were still waiting for us. We sprayed ourselves down with some cologne to cover up the smell of the weed and then headed out of the parking structure and down to the streets of Melbourne.

The club was about 5 blocks away from the parking structure and as we started walking I began to feel the effects of the drug working its way through my system. The first thing I noticed was how dizzy I was; that I felt like I was walking downhill even though I knew that the streets of Melbourne were completely flat. I felt like I was in a dream, like I might wake up any second, and I kept questioning whether what I was seeing around was real. The dizziness was only getting worse and I felt like I might fall over at any minute, especially considering that, as we reached the 3rd block, I couldn't feel my legs anymore. The streets were getting more and more crowded as we got closer to the club and I felt like everyone around me could tell that I was high. The dizziness wasn't getting any better, so I tried to focus only on Jai who was walking in front of me in an attempt to stabilize my vision. What was this shit that Skip had given me? Was it even weed? I didn't know if this was how I was supposed to be feeling and it was starting to scare me. Just as I considered asking the boys to stop because of how dizzy I was feeling we arrived at the entrance to the club. Luckily the rush was over for the most part so there wasn't really a wait before we could get in.

We walked in and found ourselves a rounded couch to sit on. I plopped down on the couch and felt like I might fall asleep at any minute. At least most of the dizziness had subsided, but I still felt like I was in a dream. While the rest of the boys turned their attention to ordering drinks and scouting out hot girl, I was focusing all of my attention on just not falling asleep. A couple of fans came over and asked if we could take pictures with them. The rest of the boys hopped up from the couch as I sluggishly followed behind.

"Okay," I thought to myself as I posed for a picture, "I hate this feeling. I am never getting high again."

Throughout the night the effects of the weed finally wore off and by the end of it all I was feeling pretty much back to normal, but I was still glad when we finally left. As we left the club and headed back to the car, I finally picked up on the fact that Beau and Jai were being pretty cold-shoulderish to me. I wondered if they had been that way all night. Had I been too high to notice?

Well, shit, if they were pissed at me I knew I was in for a reaping when I got home. It sucked being on the receiving end when those two decided to band together. Not to mention that after all the shit I had got from all the haters earlier today, I was in no mood to get more shit from my brothers. And that's when it occurred to me – I hadn't thought about today's haters once all night – maybe I liked this weed stuff more than I thought.


	4. Chapter 3: Just A Little Fun

CHAPTER 3:

Jai's POV:

"Bye James," I shouted as I walked toward the front door, waving, "and thanks for the ride."

It was nearly 2am and my brothers and I were just getting back from the club. We entered the front door being sure not to walk our mum and headed to our rooms.

"Dibs on first shower," Beau announced.

"Fine," I said rolling my eyes as I followed Luke into the bedroom we shared.

I plopped down onto my bed leaning up in one elbow as Luke sat on the desk chair in the middle of the room on his phone.

"So what was up with you getting high tonight," I asked Luke, who didn't interested in talking, "I thought you hated drugs. You always said drugs were disgusting."

Luke looked up from his phone, "I don't know," he replied half-hassardly with a shrug, "just had a bad day and wanted to have a little fun and I actually did for the first time in weeks."

Luke was always a pretty carefree guy, but it still always worried me when he did this sort of stuff. All his life he had never dealt with stress or pressure all that well and a lot of times he would do things without thinking when he was in any type of situation. Haters, and even fans hating on us, were the newest stressors that Luke seemed to be struggling with, so I was almost positive that this must have the cause of his "bad day."

"Does that mean you're gonna do it again, then?" I asked.

"I don't know, maybe. I mean I didn't really like the feeling, but I also didn't think about the crappy day I had had once all night. It was like a little escape, ya know?" Luke replied, looking back down at his phone by this point.

I was about to reply when I heard the bathroom door open.

"I'm next," Luke announced hopping up from his chair and already heading out the door before I could reply.

"Well that was kind of a pointless talk," I thought to myself as I swung my legs over the side of the bed to sit up. I got up and went over Beau's room where I knocked on the door. Even if only by a few years, Beau was still my older brother, so I thought maybe I could talk to him about Luke. Even if we couldn't help Luke, I was hoping that talking to Beau would at least give me some peace of mind.

"Come in," I heard Beau's voice from the other side of the door. I pushed the door open to see Beau pulling a pair of adidas short on over his boxers, clearly just having finished getting dressed after his shower.

"What's up," Beau greeted me.

"What do you think about Luke joining the smoke circle tonight," I asked as I shut the door behind me and leaned up against it.

"Luke's just an idiot, you know that," Beau replied shaking his head.

"True," I said with a chuckle, "but you know he's even more of an idiot when he's stressed and the hating's been rough on him lately."

"Have you tried talking to him?" Beau asked.

"Keyword: Tried," I replied, "he wasn't much into talking about it."

"This drama will pass soon enough and Luke'll be back to his old self," Beau said has he sprawled out on his bed. "Now if you don't mind, I have some personal business to take care of, if you know what I mean." Beau said with a wink.

"You fucker," I said with a laugh as I turned and left the room. Ew, I hoped he was kidding, even though I knew he probably wasn't. Luke still wasn't out of the shower as I headed back into my bedroom. That bitch always took the longest showers. I changed into some comfier clothes and got into bed. "I'll just take a shower in the morning," I figured as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep almost immediately.

** The Next Day**

Luke's POV:

It was just another day – getting hated on as the boys and I tried to make a video for our fans. It was nearly 6pm and it had taken me almost all day to finish the editing, but it was finally done and I smiled to myself as the "Successful Upload" message appeared on my Youtube page.

I loved posting new videos for the fans because I knew how much it meant to some of them – I had even met fans that refused to ever close our Youtube channel for fear that they would miss an update. And it felt amazing, but even with all the love and support we had from our fans the haters were still starting to weigh on me more and more. I even questioned if some of our so called "fans" even really liked us – they could be so harsh.

As my emotions started to flare again, I couldn't help but this back to last night about how great of a high the marijuana had given me – I wanted to go back to that place where everything around me was a different world and I could just relax for once. The positive and negative responses for the video were already streaming in through Twitter and Youtube and with each hater comment I saw, despite all of the positive comments mixed in, I couldn't but feel myself wishing I could feel as numb as I had when I was high.

I finally closed the laptop, annoyed and wanting to escape. I pulled out my phone and texted Aaron.

'Hey Aaron, wanna hang out for a bit?" I wrote and hit send.

"Sure," Aaron replied back quickly, "I'll head over to your house."

"Okay and bring some weed," I wrote, hesitating for just a minute, debating if I should actually press send. But then all the negative emotions came flooding back and suddenly I had no doubt in my mind about what I want to do. SEND. I pressed the button and watched as the message showed up in our conversation.

"Seriously?" Aaron wrote back.

"Yeah lol,"I replied.

"Alright," Aaron wrote back, "but you're in charge of getting the lighter."

"Got it," I answered as I sat back in my seat. I could already feel my stress level going down.


	5. Chapter 4: Cross Faded

Chapter 4: Cross Faded

Beau's POV:

"Oh hey Aaron," I said as I pulled open the front door and gestured for Aaron to come in. "What're you doing here?"

"Luke called me over," Aaron replied pulling something out of his pocket, "said he wants to have a little fun," he added pulling out a bag of weed and waving it in front of me with a wink.

He shoved the drugs back into his pocket and headed to the living room, making himself at home on the couch. As I followed I remembered what Jai had mentioned last night and if Luke had really called Aaron over here to smoke weed then maybe we did need to be worried.

I heard a door open and knew it must be Luke coming out of his bedroom and heading for the living room. I got up from the chair I had just sat down on and turned into the hallway, stopping Luke before he could reach the living room.

"Why's Aaron over here with weed saying you 'wanted to have a little fun'? Was it your idea? Is getting high your new idea of 'fun'?" That came out more harshly than I intended it to.

"Fuck off, you dickhead," Luke said, shoving me out of the way.

I watched as he walked past me into the living room. I followed him in as he greeted Aaron who was up off the couch now.

"See you later, Beau," Luke said as he and Aaron passed back by me and out the front door.

I didn't even know how to react – I wasn't sure if I was annoyed or sad or scared. All I knew was that I had a bad feeling about what Luke was getting himself into. Maybe I should've taken Jai a little more seriously.

Luke's POV:

"What the hell was that all about?" Aaron asked as we headed out the front door.

"I don't know," I replied, "Beau and Jai are just being nosy ass bitches."

Aaron laughed as we headed down the street towards the park. It wasn't the safest place to smoke, but it was better than doing it in our backyards.

"Shit, I forgot cologne," Aaron said looking in my direction.

"Eh, we'll be fine. You can just borrow some of mine back at the house before you head home," I replied.

We walked up to the park and found a bench out of the way from where most people would be hanging out. It was getting dark anyways, so aside from the smell, I wasn't all that worried about people noticing us. Aaron pulled out the bag of weed from his pocket and started to pack the pipe he had brought while I waited, watching for anyone who might be headed in our direction. Luckily, it was dark enough that no one was at the park anymore. Finally, Aaron looked up and held the pipe out to me.

"You want to start it?" He asked.

I took the pipe from his hand as I pulled the lighter that I had stolen from my mom's room out of my pocket. I placed the tip of pipe between my lips, inhaling gently as I brought the flame to the open end of the pipe. The newly familiar taste of the weed filled my mouth and travelled down my throat. The burning wasn't nearly as bad as it had been the first time, but the taste of the weed was much stronger than the stuff I had smoked the night before– I wondered if it was a different type of weed.

Aaron and I passed the pipe back and forth inhaling until there was nothing left to smoke. We finally got up from the bench, Aaron slipping the pipe back in his pocket and me grabbing the lighter as we head back in the direction of my house.

We walked through the front door of my house 5 minutes later to see Beau and Jai in the living room with a bottle of red cordial and a couple of cans of bourbon. A drunk Beau looked back at me, his faced flushed bright red with alcohol.

"Lukey-pooky" Jai called out cheekily as he looked back toward me and Aaron as we walked into the living room. I was glad that, at least for the moment, I wasn't going to have to deal with Luke and Jai scolding me.

"Woooooaahh," Beau said as he got up from the chair he was sitting in and unsteadily walked over to me. He put his hands on either side of my face and looked me dead in the eye, his face just a little too close for comfort to mine. "Has my baby brother been crying?" he said, clearly noticing how red my eyes were.

"Nah, he's just high," Jai said staring at whatever was happening on the television.

"Bad baby brother," Beau scolded me, heading back to his chair, stopping for a swig of red cordial on the way.

I walked further into the living room, grabbing a can of bourbon off the coffee table as I sat down on the couch next to Jai. Aaron followed and took a couple big gulps of the red cordial before plopping down next to me on the couch. I was pretty high, but not nearly as bad as I'd been last night – I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be that high again. I did want to get drunk, though, even if I wasn't exactly sure what it would feel like to be cross faded. I started pounding down the bourbon and it wasn't long before I started to feel the alcohol working its way through my system.

"Well this kind of sucks," I thought to myself as I sat on the couch. I had been drunk loads of times and I felt like the alcohol had completely overpowered the weed. I pulled out my phone and opened Safari.

"Easy ways to get high at home," I typed out the sentence and hit "search" on google. I didn't think I was really looking to get high, but I was just curious. I opened a link to Yahoo Answers and read the first answer. "Computer cleaning dusters will get you nice and high," I read off my phone screen.

I got up and walked into the room that Jai and I shared. I looked over toward the desk where the computer that Jai and I had bought years ago sat and walked over to see exactly what I was looking for – a yellow aerosol can with a log straw sticking out of it reading "3M Spray Duster." Okay, so maybe I was looking to get even higher than I already was. I picked up the can to look at it closer. "We must have bought this stuff years ago when we first got the computer," I thought to myself. I put the straw in my mouth and pressed the button on top of the can, inhaling deeply as a bitter taste filled my mouth that nearly made me vomit up the can of bourbon I had just sucked down. The bitter taste made me reconsider how safe this was – I mean, I realized that huffing wasn't safe ever, but something about the taste made it seem especially toxic.

Within minutes, though, I was already feeling lightheaded from the spray. I put the straw back in my mouth and inhaled another big breath of the chemicals before putting the can back on the desk exactly how I'd found it and heading back out to the living room. I sat back down in my seat on the couch and looked at the TV where Jai was watching "Adult Swim." No one even seemed to notice that'd I'd left and I was glad, too. I was already starting to reconsider if huffing had been a good idea, although I couldn't deny how amazing this high felt mixed with the comedown from the weed. I laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling.


	6. Chapter 5: Ecstacy

Chapter 5: Scotland

***A few weeks later***

Luke's POV:

I sat on the plane, looking out the window as we finally pulled up to our gate and the captain's voice came over the loud speaker.

"As we pull up to our gate, I'd like to welcome everyone to beautiful Edinburgh, Scotland…."

I stopped listening as I pulled off my seat belt and stood up to get my luggage from the overhead compartment. The boys and I were in Scotland for the very first show of our #NotABoyBand World Tour and we couldn't have been more excited.

During the last few weeks leading up to the tour, I had been using weed to calm my nerves. I had started getting it from the same guy that dealt it to Aaron after a while just so that I wouldn't have to burden Aaron with sharing his stash all the time. But seeing as how weed is illegal in both Scotland and Australia, I couldn't obviously bring any with me. It was probably for the best, though. My brothers had really been getting pissed off about me smoking all the time, so it was probably good that I decided to give it a rest for a while.

We hopped off the plane and headed through the airport where we were immediately surrounded by fans. We were barely able to get our bags and into the van that was waiting for us outside the airport without being trampled by screaming girls. Despite how much of a surprise it was for us, our manager must have expected the craziness, because we had a whole team of security going along on this trip with us, including Big Rob, our head security guard.

I watched out the window of our van as teenage girls chased us through the airport before we finally made it onto the highway and to the hotel. Luckily there were no girls waiting at the hotel for us so we were able to check in and get to our rooms without much trouble. I plopped down on one of the beds in the room that I was sharing with Beau and Skip. I could barely keep my eyes open after the long trip, but already the other boys were itching to go out.

"The drinking age is 16 in Scotland, boys," Beau announced to me and Daniel, "so maybe we'll meet some of our fans tonight at the club, eh?"

Hooking up with girls didn't sound too bad, to be honest. It was so hard to date with all of our fans watching us all the time. I purposely avoided dating because I was almost positive that if I did fans would either starting killing each other or killing themselves, and I didn't want either or those. But I was still a teenage boy, so I was more than open to the idea of meeting up with some willing girls.

It was already about 7pm in Scotland, so it wasn't long before the boys and I were all dressed and ready to go for the night. At the request of our manager, we were all going to get dinner first to celebrate our first tour stop and probably to discuss some more logistical stuff about the show tomorrow night – boring.

There were still no fans outside the hotel as we got into the van and made it to the restaurant and I was beginning to think we might not see any fans before the concert. But as soon as we walked into the club we were swarmed with pretty girls from everywhere. I felt like I was One Direction or something – there was so many girls and they were all so excited to see us.

After a few drinks I started talking to one girl named…. well, to be honest, I don't really remember what her name was, I think it might have been Sophie. Anyways, she was hot and before long we were up against a wall hooking up. We were in a darker corner of the club, tucked away from the dance floor and the bar when, after going at it for a while, she pulled away and grabbed something out of her purse.

"Take it," she said, holding a little blue pill with a butterfly on it out to me.

"What is it?" I asked, taking the pill between my fingers and looking at it a little closer.

"Ecstasy," she said, taking another pill from her purse and popping it into her mouth with a gulp. "Its fun," she said, "and it'll let you loosen up a little," she added with a wink.

Our manager had warned us about the drugs in Scotland – about how easy it was to get your hands on drugs that could ruin your life, but loosening up sounded perfect right about now and I mean, one little pill couldn't do that much damage, I was sure. Before I could let myself think anymore, I popped the little blue pill into my mouth and swallowed it down. I looked down at Sophie and she gave me a smile before leaning back in to continue our make out session. Forty five minutes must have gone by before we came out of that corner and in that time I had managed to get a hand job and a blow job from her. I still wasn't sure if I was feeling the effects of the ecstasy yet, but then again I had no idea what being on ecstasy was supposed to feel like. It wasn't until Sophie pulled me onto the dance floor that I started to feel the drug working its magic.

For the next two hours, I was having the time of my life. I was dancing more than I had ever danced at a club or a party and I felt so carefree. The high that I had been getting from the weed in the last few weeks seemed like nothing compared to the amazing feeling that had come from that tiny blue pill and I never wanted the feeling to go away. But all too soon the boys were ready to head out and I was forced to leave Sophie on the dance floor, she didn't really seem to mind, though, she was still having lots of fun dancing.

As the boys and I all filed back into the van, I suddenly felt really sad that I couldn't have stayed longer to keep dancing with Sophie. It was the most fun I had ever had and I never wanted it to end, so while the rest of the boys reminisced about how much fun they had had, all I could think about was how depressed I was that we couldn't go back.

"What's wrong wif you?" Jai said, lightly slapping me on the arm, "You looked like you were having so much fun with your little lady friend." He suddenly moved his face closer to mine, closing his eyes and puckering his lips. I slapped him across the cheek and he yelped, his eyes shooting open as he started laughing. When he acted this affectionate, it meant Jai was really wasted. And while usually it would make me laugh, in the moment I was too upset to find it entertaining. I just wanted to go back to the club with Sophie. We finally pulled up to our hotel and headed inside. As me made our way up to our rooms I was suddenly really tired and barely made it to the bed before completely crashing out for the night.

***The Next Morning***

I woke up the next morning, still in my clothes from the night before and on top of all the covers on my bed. I looked up to see Beau sitting at the foot of my bed, eating cereal as he watched TV. I rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed, noticing that even my shoes were still on. I must have been seriously fucked last night.

"Rise and shine, gorgeous," Beau greeted me, never taking his eyes off the television.

I looked at the clock to see that it was 10:30am. I slid off the bed and headed to the bathroom. I didn't look nearly as bad as I'd thought I would in the mirror, considering the way I'd woken up, but then again I couldn't really remember drinking all that much the night before, which is probably why I didn't have a hangover. I did remember, though, having the most amazing time of my life – I wasn't sure if it was because of the excitement about the tour starting or if Scotland just held really good parties. Whatever the case, though, I was already looking forward to going out again tonight after the show.


	7. Chapter 6: Gone Too Far

Chapter 6: Too Far

Luke's POV:

I took a bow and headed off stage nearly deaf from all the screaming fans. Our first show and been a huge success and the boys and I were pumped. I still couldn't get over how amazing of a time I had had last night at the club with Sophie. I thought maybe I would see her today at the show, but there were way too many girls, plus I'm not sure I would have recognized her anyways.

I sat down on a couch in the backstage lounge area. Beau plopped down next to me.

"That was amazing, wasn't it?" Beau asked as I stood backstage wiping the sweat from my face with towel.

"That was fucking crazy," I answered.

Everyone backstage was excited and full of adrenaline as we got dressed and packed up our stuff. After about an hour, we were all ready to go.

*** A Few Hours Later***

The boys and I were finally heading out for the night. We made it into the hotel lobby to see that fans had completely engulfed the front entrance, blocking anyone from getting in or out – clearly word had got out about what hotel we were staying at.

The boys and I formed a straight line, grabbing onto each other's shoulders and snaked our way through the crowd. Our security team made us walk through really big crowds like this so that we wouldn't get sucked into the masses of screaming fans. When we finally made into the van, girls surrounded us, screaming our names and pounding on the windows so hard that I was afraid they were going to break. Finally, with the help of security and some of the hotel staff, the van was able to make it out of the crowd and after a short drive we arrived at the club.

We headed in and immediately got ourselves some drinks. 1 hour and 5 shots later, I was starting to feel pretty good, so I headed out onto the dance floor with the boys. It wasn't long before we were engulfed in a sea of pretty girls and some pretty pissed off looking guys. But I wasn't having nearly as fun as I had had the night before and I couldn't figure out why. That is until I saw a girl I was dancing near put her hand in her purse and pull out a little pill. That's when it occurred to me –the ecstasy! I had completely forgotten about taking ecstasy last night until now and suddenly, more than ever, I wanted to get some to make this night as unforgettable as the night before.

I couldn't wasn't sure if she'd speak English like Sophie had, but there was only one way to find out. I casually made my way over to the girl, who couldn't have been more than a foot away from me on this packed dance floor. I started grinding on her to the music to which she happily obliged. I put my hands on her hips and brought her closer to my pelvis. She leant up against me, bringing her hand up and reaching it behind her to grab onto the back of my neck.

"Where'd you get the drugs?" I nearly shouted into the girls ear, the music was loud in these clubs.

With her free had she pointed toward the far corner of the dance floor away from the bar and the door.

"Yes! She speaks English," I thought to myself as I grabbed her hand and pulled her in the direction she'd pointed. I wasn't planning on doing anything with her, but I knew the boys would have questioned me if I'd left the dance floor by myself.

We wove our way through the crowded dance floor finally making it to the spot where she's pointed. A man probably in his mid-20's stood there, wearing sunglasses. If he was trying to look inconspicuous he wasn't doing a very good job – it was so dark in here.

"Hey babe, you back for some more?" The guy asked the girl I was with.

"Nah, but my friend here needs some," the girl answered. This was the first time I'd heard her talk.

"Can I get a couple?" I asked the man. I figured I'd get two – one for now and one for later when the first one finally wore off. I remember how depressed I had felt after the ecstasy had worn off last night and I wasn't going to let that happen again.

The drug dealer, pulled out a baggie full of the little pills from his back pocket and handed two to me. The girl gave him some money, but I honestly had no idea how much it was since I wasn't sure how Swedish money worked.

"I can pay you back," I said to the girl as we walked away from the drug dealer and popped one of the pills into my mouth.

"You're good," she answered with a wink, looking up at me. We found a spot on a long red couch that ran across the back wall of the club. I sat down and the girl got on top, straddling me, as we started making out.

"God I love Sweden," I thought to myself as the hooking up went on.

Eventually, I started to feel what I now knew were the beginning effects of the ecstasy. I pulled away from the girls kissing as asked if she wanted to head back to the dance floor. She smiled, grabbing my hand and heading us both back out onto the dance floor.

***2 Hours Later***

The ecstasy had once again worked its magic and I was having the most amazing night of my life, but I could feel the drug starting to wear off. I was still dancing with the same girl whose name I learned was Emma.

"Hey, want to go get a drink?" I asked Emaa.

"Sure," she yelled back into my ear over the blaring music.

We headed for the bar and ordered 2 shots each. I put the ecstasy I'd bought under my tongue before gulping down the first shot and then the second, swallowing the pill down with the alcohol. I was coming down from the first pill, but I could still feel the effects. I just hoped the high would hold out until the second pill kicked in.

After a few more drinks I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. "12:17" I read the time out loud on the phone. We'd been here for a few hours and I didn't have any messages or missed calls from the boys which meant they were still having as good of a time as I was… or so they thought. I did a quick scan of the club to see if I could see any of the boys. It didn't take long for me to find Jai, Beau and James at a table surround by girls. They were always the ladies men of the group.

"Want to dance?" I asked, turning my attention back to Emma.

"Sure," she answered.

It didn't occur to me how drunk I was until I started dancing again. Within 20 minutes I was so dizzy I coulf barely stand up and the room was spinning. I couldn't distinguish the sounds of the music from the sounds of people talking in my ear. More and more everything around me was turning into one big blur. I looked around for a way to get off the dance floor so that I could clear my head, but I felt like I was trapped behind a wall of people on all sides of me. I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe or like I might throw up or I don't even know what – all I knew was that I needed to get off this dance floor.

I finally got may bearings and pushed through the crowd toward where I had last seen James, Jai and Luke. Jai noticed me first. He immediately got up from where he was sitting and rushed over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders to look me in the face.

"Luke?" He asked tapping me on the check with his hand.

I could feel my eyes drifting shut and it was getting harder and harder to force them to reopen. I nearly fell over but luckily with Jai still holding me I managed not actually hit the ground. Beau and James were standing nearby now, clearly worried.

"He must be really drunk?"

"Luke, did you take something?"

"Maybe someone spiked his drink."

"We need to get out of here."

Everyone's words blurred together around me and I couldn't think fast enough to answer their questions. I was so tired – I just wanted to lay on the ground and go to sleep.

The last thing I remember, being heading out of the club by Beau and Jai.


	8. Chapter 7: Hospital

Chapter 7: Hopital

Luke's POV:

I opened my eyes only to be blinded by the brightest white light I had ever seen. I squinted and put by hand between me and the lamp that was the source of this obnoxious light. I looked around the room, disoriented and confused. I was in a hospital. I looked down to see the powder blue hospital gown that I was wearing. There was an IV in the back of my left hand. I continued to scan the room and finally saw a familiar face. Jai was curled up, sleeping on a couch that sat under the only window in the room. He didn't look comfortable at all, but he must have decided to stay when the other boys went back to the hotel. It didn't surprise me, really, Jai and I had always had that special "twin bond" as people liked to call it. It didn't feel right when we weren't together and it made me feel better to know that he was her with me, even if I had no idea why I was here in the first place.

I turned my attention to a white board near the door. There were some names on the board and I figured they must be the doctors and nurses that had been helping me. I tried to look for anything on the board that might give me some kind of hint as to why I was here but there was nothing. I tried to remember what had happened last night, but the last thing that I could remember was dancing at the party… or was I at the bar the last I remembered? Well, either way I couldn't think of anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Maybe I'd fallen or something, but I didn't feel hurt or maybe I'd drank to much. That didn't seem likely since I couldn't remember drinking all that much the night before, but then again that didn't mean it was impossible – I finally decided that this was the most logical explanation to why I was here. I looked back over to Jai – I was really tempted to wake him up and find out what was going on. The clock on the wall read 6:30, but am or pm? It didn't say, although based on the fact that Jai was sleeping and the way the sun looked outside I assumed it was 6:30am.

I laid back in my bed trying to think of what I should do to kill time when I noticed the remote control looking device that sat on the side of my bed. It only had one big, red button with the word "Call" on it. I figured this was the button you pushed when you wanted the nurse to come in. I pressed the button and within a minute or two a nurse walked into the room.

"Good morning, Mr. Brooks. How are you feeling?" The nurse said with a smile as she looked at a clipboard.

"Umm, I'm feeling okay, but why am I here?" I asked back.

"Well, it seems that you were drugged last night without your knowledge," the nurse said looking up at me. "we found MDMA in your system."

"MDMA?" I replied, confused. Maybe someone had spiked my drink or something…

"Otherwise, known as ecstasy," the nurse responded, her attention back on the clipboard.

Suddenly my heart sank and I could feel the color drain from my face. Ecstasy. So it was my fault that I was in the hospital right now. But she said someone had drugged me… my brothers must have told the doctors that I wouldn't take ecstasy, which made sense considering I was pretty careful the last couple of night to make sure they didn't catch on.

I looked over to the couch and noticed Jai sitting up on the couch rubbing his eyes. He looked over to see me awake and alert and immediately got up from the couch and walked over to me.

"Luke!" Jai said putting a hand on my shoulder. He looked exhausted and suddenly I felt awful about what I must have put him and the rest of the guys through last night. "How are you? Are you feeling okay?" His face was full of concern.

"I'm okay, Jai, really. I feel fine. But what happened last night? I don't remember anything."

"Well, we were at the party and then you came over to use and you looked dead. You weren't talking and you kept drifing in and out. Me and Beau had to carry you out of the party because you could barely walk and then as soon as we got into the car you passed out. You were really cold and clammy and you looked really pale so we brought you here and they said they found ecstasy in your system. Someone must have spiked your drink or something…" He looked like he might start crying. "They had to pump your stomach."

"We'll need to keep you here for a couple more hours and do a few more tests, but assuming everything checks out you should be ready to go home this afternoon," the nurse said with a smile as she hung the clipboard on a hook on the wall. "You know what to do if you need anything," she added as she walked out of the room.

"I'm really glad that you're okay," Jai said sitting back down on the couch. "The other boys went home a few hours ago once they realized you were going to be okay, but I decided to stay so that you wouldn't wake up in here all by yourself."

"Thanks, Jai," I said looking over at him, it really means a lot that'd you stay. But you can go home and get some sleep if you want. I'll be okay, here."

"Nah, I'll stay. I probably wouldn't be able to get back to sleep anyways." He responded with a smile. I was actually really relieved that he wanted to stay. I didn't really want to be here by myself and I had a feeling he must have picked up on that.

"Luke?" Jai said looking up at me, his face suddenly more serious. "You didn't take anything did you? Like any drugs or anything?"

I didn't know what to do. If I told him he'd be pissed, but at the same time I really hated lying to Jai. He was a pretty honest guy, so it always made me feel bad when I wasn't truthful with him. I went back and forth in my head until Jai finally interrupted my thought.

"Luke?" I looked at Jai, his face full of worry as he anticipated my answer.

"Of course I didn't Jai. I'm not an idiot, plus you remember what we talked about before getting here, about how the drugs here were sketch as fuck." A look of relief replaced his worry. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him.

"Are you sure, Luke? Because you know you could tell me anything. I won't be mad, I just want to help you," he pried.

"I didn't fucking do anything!" I spat back. I felt awful about lying to him and I just wanted to change the subject.

"Sorry," he said, sulking back into the chair and pulling his cellphone out of his pocket.

We sat in silence for a while, Jai on his phone and me left with my thoughts. I debated just telling him, but, I don't know, I just couldn't. The way he'd looked at me as he waited for what'd I'd say – he looked like a sad puppy or something. I didn't want my stupidity to change our relationship. "I'll just never to it again," I thought to myself, "or at least I'll be more careful next time…. Shit, no! There shouldn't be a next time. You sound like a druggie or something, which you're not. Right? What makes someone a druggie or an addict, even?" I wrestled with my own thoughts only to be interrupted every now and again when a nurse or doctor would come in to run some sort of test. At some point, I finally shut my eyes and fell back asleep.

Someone gently shook me awake and I opened my eyes to see Jai standing near me with a hand on my shoulder.

"The doctor's here to check you out and see if you're ready to go home," Jai said.

I sat up in bed and looked the clock. doctor walked in and took my vitals as he went over exactly what had happened the night before. He quizzed me a little more about what'd happened and finally he cleared me to leave the hospital. The rest of the boys showed up as a nurse unhooked me from all the machines. I changed into some fresh clothes that Beau had brought me from home and then waited until the nurse that was escorting me out of the hospital finally showed up. The nurse finally came with a wheelchair which she insisted I ride in until we got to the car – kind of embarrassing considering I felt perfectly capable of walking, but hospital policy, I guess.

We finally made it to the car and I hopped in. The ride home was a little overwhelming – I was a little out of it, but the boys were, of course, interested in figuring out what had happened the night before and threatening to kill the person that had done this to me if they ever found them. The more the boys talked about who had done this to me, though, the more guilty I felt about having to lie to them. And, in addition to my guilt, I was couldn't stop thinking about what this all meant for me. I was trying hard to convince myself that I wouldn't never do anything like this ever again, but at the same time I wasn't sure if I should have to convince myself.

Convincing myself meant that there was still a part of me that felt like I might what to get high again and I couldn't ignore that part of me, but, at the same time, I knew that I had to. Somebody who wants to keep doing drugs even when they knew how bad they were for them, was a drug addict and I was definitely not a drug addict, right? No I definitely wasn't I couldn't be. It was just one mistake and I wasn't ever going to let it get that far again.


	9. Chapter 8: Aftermath

Chapter 9: Aftermath

Luke's POV:

It had been a few weeks since the whole hospital incident and things were finally starting to cool down.

Mom had pretty much flipped. She wanted to end the tour early and have all of us boys fly back to Australia, but we couldn't let all of our fans down and she realized that. So instead we'd compromised and she's decided to come on tour with us for a couple weeks. She was flying back today and as I stood outside the airport hugging her goodbye I couldn't decide if I was happy or sad to see her go.

I mean of course I love having my mom around, but I couldn't deny how much harder it had been getting away with stuff while she was on tour. After the whole ecstasy incident I had tried to convince myself that I would never do drugs ever again. But despite the scare I had put my mom, my brothers and all the fans through, I couldn't deny the fact that I still craved the feeling of being high. I had to admit, it scared me a little that being in hospital hadn't completely turned me off from drugs, but what scared me even more was that fact that getting high was no longer about getting away from the shit that was going on in my life. Since being on tour, life had been great - we were surrounded by hundreds, even thousands, of fans every night, but I still felt the need to get high. Not because I didn't want to feel, but because I did. I wanted nothing more, than to feel high again.

"I love you, Luke," Mum said as she gave me one last hug and kiss.

"I love you, too, Mum," I said, hugging and kissing her back. I watched her walk through the doors of the airport and gave her one last wave before hopping in the car with the Jai and Beau to head to the venue of our show tonight. We were in... well, to be honest, I wasn't really sure where we were. We'd been to so many different cities and countries at this point that they had all started to blend together somewhere along the way. But regardless of the fact that my brothers and I had just sent our mum off, we still had to get ready to entertain the load of fans that were coming to our show tonight.

***A few hours later***

Luke's POV:

James and Daniel were onstage getting the crowd pumped up with their DJ session while my brothers and I finished getting ready back stage. Well, actually, I was done getting ready, but Jai and Beau spent ages in front of the mirror before each show making sure to get their hair just right. I didn't see the point anymore though, my hair was always sweaty and messy by the time I got off stage. I sat on a couch in the backstage waiting area, playing with the torn sole of favorite boots. This was always the most boring part of every show - James and Daniel were having fun on stage, Beau and Jai were busy getting ready and I was left to sit around and wait. My mind wandered as I scanned the room, taking in all the the posters that hung on the walls. At least there was stuff to look at, backstage rooms at other venues were just plain white walls - those were always the worst to sit and wait in.

As I scanned the large room, my eyes fell on a small black bag on an end table in the far corner of the room. I hadn't had a reason to go to that side of the room all night which is probably why I hadn't noticed it yet. After staring at the bag for a while, I finally walked toward it to get a better look. I looked around as I headed for the table. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't want anyone to catch me being so nosy. When I got closer to the bag it looked like it was probably holding makeup and I felt the tiniest pang of disappointment. I don't know why, but I was so bored that I was kind of hoping to find something interesting. On the plus side though, if it was a makeup bag, maybe it belonged to the last person who performed here. Maybe they were famous.

I looked behind me one more time to check that no one was around before, grabbing the bag and pulling the zipper open. The bag was full of orange bottles... orange bottles of medicine. "Prescription drugs... really? It couldn't have been anything cooler then that?" I thought to myself as I rooted through the bottles, hoping to find something that made this worth my wild, but there was nothing. Only bottle after bottle of medications whose names I couldn't even begin to pronounce. The only name I even vaguely recognized was "Ambien" and I'm pretty sure that was some sort of sleeping pill. "Well that was a fucking waste of time," I thought to myself as I went to sit back down on the couch. I was just the slightest bit annoyed at the flop of a find.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and got had just got on Twitter when it occured to me to look up what exactly "Ambien" was. I typed it in a clicked on the first link that popped up:

_Zolpidem is a nonbenzodiazepine (similar to a benzo, but with a different molecular structure) drug with powerful hypnotic and sedative effects. It's prescribed by doctors for treatment of insomnia, and in rarer cases as a muscle relaxant. Due to its GABA antagonist properties, it is similar to alcohol in its ability to relax inhibitions and promote sociability. In especially high doses, the onset of amnesia can be quite potent, resulting in the user having a "night they can't remember"._

My heart skipped a beat as I realized what kind of potential that little drug held for me. I needed that Ambien. I was just about to get up from the couch to steal the medicine when Beau and Jai walked into the room, making me jump, as if I had been caught red handed.

"A little jumpy there, eh bro?" Jai said with a laugh.

"Yeah, you lookin at porn or something?" Beau laughed trying to grab my phone out of my hands.

"Fuck off," I spat back, quickly hitting the lock button on my phone, foiling Beau's attempt.

"Well it's time to go on, you cheeky fucker," Jai laughed heading toward the stages.

I grabbed my mic and attached it onto me as I head for the stage.

"Fuck! Now I had to figure out some way to get the drugs without the boys seeing," I thought to myself as put my mic on and stepped out onto the stage.

I was instantly blinded by the lights as the crowd went wild.


End file.
